BLAST from the past

In one of my very first posts, I told you about "SCUBA"... Well...

You know I told you it had been years since I'd had sex?... Well, tonight at the restaurant that me and my best friend went to, I ran into that one guy (SCUBA)... the first time I'd seen him since the last night we were together... just over 13 years ago. He was with his wife and two of his three kids. He looked great.. just the same as always... his kids were cute... his wife beautiful.

He saw me and I threw my hand up to be nice... then he came over to our table and gave me a big hug and stood there and talked to me like 10 minutes or so... one of his kids... a boy about 7 or 8, came over after a few minutes and just started talking to me... sat in my seat beside me and acted like he wanted to stay at my table with me... lol... akward! I didn't mind though... he was really cute...

Well, I just always assumed that our relationship meant more to me than it did to him... my relationships were often like that. Most of my ex's were just with me for one thing, I came to figure out... I always thought SCUBA was different, which is why I couldn't go back to the same old fuck-buddy kind of relationships after I dated him... Well, he proved that he was different, or maybe that I might have actually meant something to him... For example, remembering things that even I didn't remember... which is odd because I haven't been with anyone since him, so I've had time to replay our times together over and over in my head for years... and still he, who moved on, remembered details... about deep conversations that we had... about places we had gone... people that we knew together... he even remembered who my favorite singer was at the time and asked me if I still liked that singer... My other serious relationship guy (Guitar Man) couldn't tell many of those little details about our relationship and I almost married the creep.

It all just made me sad and self-concious... I mean, I don't look anywhere near as good as I did back in the day, and his wife is gorgeous after two kids... My friend told him I was out for a birthday celebration, which prompted him to ask me my age again... 38 (as of tomorrow, well actually today now)... Which garnered the response "And no husband or kids? You better get on the ball!" He didn't mean it ugly, and it's something I think about all the time, but I died hearing that from someone that meant so much to me at one time... I died because he even knew that I was still alone.

You know, seeing his little family unit together, I was thinking it should have been me.... or, at the very least, I should have found it with someone else by now... I'm not saying I'm still in love with him... he's just the last guy I did love, and the one who always treated me the best... This just all made me miss him, yes... but more than that, it made me miss how he made me feel.